BONUS CONTENT: Sometimes parts have to be cut from other articles, like this one about how homophobia is unmanly.
6. Blaming Someone Else
The epitome of unmanliness is refusing to take responsibility for your own actions. The vast majority of dickhaters offload their assholishness on someone who’s not around to disagree, and honestly think that makes their argument stronger. “It’s not me!” they say, “A big boy did it and ran away. Over two thousand years ago.”
“Hey, don’t pin this on me. I AM ALREADY MORE THAN SUFFICIENTLY PINNED.” (Source: wikimedia commons)
Their advice isn’t totally pointless: if your invisible friend tells you who you’re not allowed to have sex with, listen to them, because the less chance of your broken-ass crazy getting passed on the better. But you don’t get to command other people.
Besides, the whole story of God hating sodomites is suspicious. Sodom literally gave its name to homosexuality, and in the Bible god claims he searched it thoroughly and couldn’t find ten good men, so genocide is fine. He carefully searches a city known only for man-bangin’ with all his omniscience, then destroys it with fire? That’s the divine equivalent of “Clear history”. When Lot’s wife looks back – because hearing an entire city destroyed with fire behind you is the sort of thing the survival instinct tends to take notice of – god turns her into a pillar of salt. That’s the most extreme version of screaming “don’t look at that!” when someone walks in possible. I guess god doesn’t need to alt-tab when he can just kill people.
Read the other 5 Reasons Homophobia Is Unmanly
Luke Writes What You Read 
Loved it. Hilarious and insightful.
Actually, the whole story of G-d hating sodomites has nothing to do with… sodomy. If you actually read the story (i.e. the thing most homophobes have not done), then you’ll find that while the angelic messengers are never actually identified by their gender, the two virgin daughters that Lot tries to bribe the mob with ARE identified…as female. Thus, the apparently reason for Sodom’s destruction had less to do with male on male sex, and more to do with street gangs breaking into houses to gang rape tourists.
Thanks for that. I didn’t think it was possible for their justification to be made even worse, but of course it is!
Luke, I love your articles on cracked and this is even better, thank you for being an articulate and awesome hetero ally, we need more of you. I’m a lifelong martial artist and I run into the ridiculousness that is the dickhater on the mat and tournament circuit all the time and TO A ONE it’s hilarious to watch the dawning recognition that they’ve just gotten their asses handed to them (hehe) by a homo. while it’s nice to be able to so directly help combat homophobia in such an immediately satisfying way, I think I need to start carrying around copies of your article in pamphlet form just to hand out after my traditional approach :)
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Please stop blaiming religion for homophobia and other intolerant attitudes. Tolerance is one of the main teachings of Christianity. Many homophobes are really ignorant about religion and use it as an excuse. But unfortunately many atheists are just as ignorant about religion and accept the argument that intolerance and religion are somehow connected.
As an atheist turned christian I am familiar with both sides. Intolerance still makes just as little sense to me as a christian as before. But I could never accept ignorance. If for a so-called christian it’s hard to admit their ignorance about their own religion, an atheist shouldn’t have such issues. Claiming the moral high-ground should include not getting into arguments you have insufficient information about.
2357 in the Catechishm http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
and a million other places. I’ll stop blaming religion for homophobia when it stops teaching it as divine law.
Calling the Roman Catholic Church “Christianity” is like calling McDonalds “food.” Same goes for mega churches and teabaggers. I mean partiers. Teabagging should not be denigrated like that.