Ambassador Alana and the Robonics

Ambassador Alana, legendary ambassador of the human race! Brave, bold, and cunning, word of her exploits spreads beyond the bounds of the human Federation, usually just beyond the bounds of their jurisdiction, but surely that is a coincidence!  Modest and capable, she forges alliances with strange new races single-handed and leaves before even the most lightly-armed human support craft can arrive. Often quite quickly!

Entire waves of Federation first contact ships are embarrassed to find themselves sloppily second, welcomed by allies the human race had never met, and presented with expense invoices they’d never dreamed of. Small compared to the profits from the proffered interplanetary trade agreements, but large enough to actually appear on those interplanetary trade agreements. Her inauguration of an alliance with the world of New France depleted the planet’s stock of champagne. The unexpected arrival of a Federation scouting party proved she could pilot her ambassadorial shuttle both expertly and hungover.

Her most famous contact was the seduction of the Queen of the Robonics, apparently undissuaded by the necessity of explaining gender and sexuality to twenty cubic meters of previously genderless Prime Processor Frame of the Robonic Empire. Since Robonics don’t reproduce biologically, and their remote humanoid robo-frames are entirely sterile, everyone (including the Robonics) had assumed that they didn’t need sex. Alana simply demonstrated how these facts instead made them best at it.

Chambered with the Prime Processor on a matter of tactile informational exchange, by the time they were finished the Robonics had a queen, genitalia, significantly more interesting archives, and had invented at least seven new genders. The instantaneous distribution of experience through the Robonic neural network turned the negotiations into the largest orgy in the history of the galaxy. But the smallest in the newly thrusting history of the Robonics.

To this day all Robonics refer to Alana as the Giver, and when envoys inquire if this is because she gave them genders they say smirk and say “Sure”. Their newfound interest in all things tactile is widely credited as the only reason their tireless atomic-powered diamond-hard bodies haven’t utterly dominated every sentient being in the galaxy. Unless the sentient asks nicely.

They became the glue of the growing galactic community. After all, it’s much easier to get together when everybody is friendly. They promoted interspecies relations, creating cunning adaptors species which had only previously interacted by shooting at each other. Which technically turned every coupling into a Robonic threesome. Which only increased the good times for all.

As for Alana, she was last seen by a Federation scout speeding away from that Federation scout and Robonic Planet A-1 at turbospeeds far in excess of her shuttle’s rated maximum. The Robonics vehemently deny upgrading her ship to outrace standard Federation craft. They further deny modulating the turbodrive to resonate electro-vibro pulses through the entire ship on demand, which was weird, because no-one had asked them that. Though a few of the more thoughtful listeners asked them to do it for their ships.


2 thoughts on “Ambassador Alana and the Robonics

  1. “she could pilot her ambassadorial shuttle both expertly and hungover”

    The mark of true genius.

    Great story!

  2. The Robonics sounds like my kind of people!

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