The “White Man March” is for people who want to have their white sheet and sleep on it. The leader of the movement is Kyle Hunt, who really is a K. Hunt, and I’ll come up with more original jokes when he comes up with more original motivations than xenophobic assholery. He contributes such gems as “Diversity = White Genocide” and “white supremacist is just an anti-white slur”.  He planned the White Man March on March 15^th, including “lightning mobs”, which brought out the pseudo-Nazi military imagery even faster than even I expected. I’m sure these blitzmobs of angry idiots won’t cause any problems.

Ways to stop the White Man March:

• Play music with a beat at normal walking pace so that missing it causes them to stumble.
• Have Starbucks along the route offer “Any drink which takes longer than five minutes to make is free”.
• Refract the march through a prism to create the fun kind of pride parade.
• Send a mass text that teens have been seen playing basketball in their neighbourhood.
• Set up a checkpoint where marchers must explain to Nichelle Nichols, Idris Elba, and a reincarnated Pat Morita just what the hell they think they’re doing.
• Have law enforcement react to this march the way they’ve reacted to marches by real minority groups for the last fifty years.
• Force them to make charisma checks.
• Engage each marcher in a heartwarming quest to teach them how to count, how to tell more from fewer, and how many white people there are in the city compared to how many are in their march.
• Transmit the march through a VGA cable, transforming it into a world-improving tide of percussion stage performers, sexy Star Trek aliens, and Def Jam rappers.