New Civilization V Victories

Civilization isn’t so much a computer game as a wonder of the world, and has consumed more person-hours. The latest update adds an array of new victory conditions:

Irony Victory

Make Genghis Khan the most bullied person in history by always pre-emptively annihilating him, then get nuked by Mahatma Ghandi.

You Have Work In The Morning Victory

The game detects that it’s 4 am, that you have an alarm set for 7 am and surrenders in self defense. Because you won’t be able to afford electricity if you’re fired.

Multilingual Victory

The game realizes that you could have learned another language in the time you’ve been playing and starts switching to it. You’re so familiar with the options and structures you don’t really notice and become fluent.


Your civilization researches Computers, masters the Commerce tree, fills out the Freedom ideology, invents the game of Civilization, then ignores all the problems of their virtual world to distract themselves in a virtual-virtual world. You aren’t sure how you feel about the analogy.

4 thoughts on “New Civilization V Victories

  1. Heh-heh Loved it. I have about 2,000 hours of Civ5 time under my belt since it launched (including the 10-hour marathon yesterday.) Steam should create achievements for those of us insane or antisocial enough to accrue this much time :)

  2. The game should also have an actual “ONLY one more turn” button next to the end turn one. Then when you go to that just-one-more-turn loop you could just press that one and the game would actually shut down after that turn and lock itself for few hours. Oh all the morning shifts I could have saved with that little button.

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