How Terminator Salvation’s Heart Transplant Should Have Gone

Random resistance medic: John Connor needs a new heart.

Marcus: Take mine.

RRP: What? No! Are you insane? You’re the most insanely valuable soldier, equipment, and intelligence resource we have! You know how our enemy operates and you can access Skynet systems – which will be really important if our entirely computerized enemy ever stops leaving open human-accessible laptops and walkways in all its facilities for no reason!

Marcus: You need him more. He’s John Connor! He’s the leader of the resistance!

RRP: No, the leaders of the resistance literally ignored him to their death in this movie. He’s so unimportant that Terminators literally forgot to Terminate his father before he existed. That has been their only plan for decades, and in this continuity he’s so optional they didn’t bother.

Marcus: Everybody deserves a second chance.

RRP: Okay, how about, “I’m a doctor and I am not murdering you”. When did it become okay to tear a healthy person’s heart out? Are we the human resistance or Huitzilopochtli cultists? Damnit, my buddy Jeff has a prosthetic leg, can I tear out his liver if I drink too much? If I was wearing my glasses would you punch through my ribcage? Shit, if we’re killing people anyway, let’s just strip one from one of the dozens of injured soldiers outside since they’re demonstratably not bulletproof. You can probably see them with your Terminator vision, and carry them back with your Terminator strength, and do all kinds of other things we can’t because you’re a damn Terminator and we’re not throwing you away to get a spare part for an asshole!

Hell, I got it, your name’s John now. You’ve done more for us anyway, and every single one of your decisions this movie wasn’t completely wrong, unlike some Johns in the tent. Welcome to humanity, John Better-Connor. Hurray!

Fix more movies with Pacific Rim: How The Kaidanovskys Survived and 8 Explanations For The Lack Of Women In Star Wars.

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