Naming A New Level Of Vegetable

Last week I  spent ten minutes in the supermarket learning that in Britain arugula is called “rocket”. Which is an incredibly vigorous name for a vegetable which, while quite nice, does still look and taste like a weed which has only been let into our food on its best behaviour. Since then I’ve been upgrading fruits and vegetables with much more exciting names.

  • Broccoli: Fractalgreen
  • Tomatoes: Shirtbleeders
  • Strawberries: Bitenipples
  • Cucumber: Youcummer
  • Carrot: Questionable PhD Elevator
  • Pomegranate: Tasteshrapnel
  • Kiwis: Tastytestes
  • Pineapple: Sunweight
  • Olives: Suncoal
  • Asparagus: Crunchspear
  • Courgette: Notcumber
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