What the other 90% of your brain is doing

  • 10% thinking about sex
  • 20% thinking about masturbation
  • 70% reminding self at all times about all those reasons not to start masturbating
  • 35% thinking about how ridiculous it is to apply the idea of percentage to a hundred billion interlinked neurons in the most complex network ever known. It’s like talking about the top quarter of a supercomputer, or a half-full galactic supercluster.
  • 3% depressing realization that you think about masturbation more often than supercomputers and galaxies
  • 4% dredging up humiliating memories and just waiting for the right moment
  • 2% preventing formation of memories of locking door, turning off gas.
  • 7% working out ways to make an organ without pain receptors feel pain when hungover
  • 90% thinking about how nice it would be if wasted potential really was the fault of a magic neural switch, and not the direct result of laziness and the comfort found in even the most self-destructive routine.
  • 99% worrying about how people loudly protest the use of inaccurate statistics to advertise a movie, but are absolutely fine with them being used to justify fad diets, for-profit medical supplements, welfare cuts, and sentencing guidelines.

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2 thoughts on “What the other 90% of your brain is doing

  1. 12% keeping the ridiculously interlinked biological machine that is the rest of your body running without any catastrophic errors.

    What? You think 12% is a low percentage of time spent on making sure that your lungs don’t deflate fully, that your heart keeps beating at the proper rhythm, that your skin exudes the right amount of salt water to keep your internal temperature within the tiny acceptable range that doesn’t freeze or boil your brain, and to drive every single organ involved in every single process involved in keeping you alive, all the time, forever?

    So do I.

  2. I take it this is inspired by Lucy?

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