Okay, October, you want some really scary Halloween ideas? You asked for it:

• You receive an auto-generated copyright lawsuit for your Halloween costume, billing you a hundred dollars for each image bearing the character’s likeness. You have one week to file a brief disputing the claim. The letter is dated three days ago.
• A crazed psychopath breaks into your home while you’re asleep and replaces only one of your identity documents with a forgery almost good enough to fool an official.
• Skull insurance.
• After a day of pumpkin carving with friends and family, which involved some kids, which involved fragments of pumpkin getting into parts of your house even oxygen molecules haven’t seen, your vet calls with the results of the tests: your pet is deathly allergic to squashes.
• A wrinkled distant relative presses a bloodstained parchment into your hands before dying at your doorstep. It explains that you can avert the hereditary curse if you remit the second part of your first quarter’s non-refundable portion of your taxes, correctly, on the first try.
• A cursed puzzle box dripping with blood is the anti-bot check to unlock your e-mail account.
• A hungry vampire posts your home address on the front page of reddit.