As incoming referendum results reveal a landslide victory for marriage equality, bystanders reports that the Iona Institute is collapsing into itself in clouds of toxic vapour. David Quinn was seen staggering into the street, pink skin-paint sloughing off to reveal a villainous green, screeching “I’M MELTING!” as he collapsed into a puddle.
Professor Stuaim was on hand to explain the bizarre changes.
“It’s a simple reversal of Disney Resurrection Syndrome: instead of a hero being revived by love, the overwhelming positive feelings blanketing the country are cutting off the hate the Iona Institute requires to survive. Without the constant external oppression needed to hold their shape, they’re collapsing back into the scum and vitriol of which they’re made.”
Our reporters obtained one last quote from the oil-slicked puddle of Quinn. “What a fair and loving world!” it cried before sluicing down a storm drain. The viscous remains of the Institute are expected to be washed away by the sheer volume of celebratory prosecco popped around the city by nightfall.
More marriage material:
- A Marriage Proposal
- Catholic Bishops Reassure No Voters: “This time we won’t look like backwards idiots” (UPDATE: Incorrect)
- Marriage Restriction and Other Religious Parasites