The pen is mightier than the sword, and the keyboard lets me write far away from all the guns. Which I did! Behold bonus material cut from the original for length. Eighth and eight-point-fiveth idiotic arguments against gun control:

We’re Going to Get Shot Anyway

When confronted with ludicrous levels of directly gun related death — to the point where the FBI homicide tables are broken by state and type of gun, with only a single column for “other weapons” — some people attempt to sound reasonably by saying there are too many people with guns out there to tackle. Which is the exact opposite of the point of having a government in the first place. If American responded to fires the same way they responded to shootings, they’d legalize flamethrowers and defund the fire department.

It’s a remarkable strategy. Recognizing that you could be shot at any time because of countless lethal weapons floating around without any regulation and thinking  “Well, better get started!” But “we’re fucked anyway, might as well volunteer for ten more shots” only works for a night out drinking, not with lethal weaponry.

A government which doesn’t ban guns shouldn’t be allowed to ban anything. Especially drugs. At least then people are only shooting up themselves, and enjoy the experience.

Target Shooting

Target shooting is just practicing to get better at people shooting. If people truly cared about only the competitive aspect all those billions of dollars would be going into developing paint pellets better balanced than Concorde’s nosecone. If we weren’t still suffering from an obsolete chunk of tribally murderous human brain then pellets and laser tag would be enough for everyone. In fact if guns worked like laser tag, where they could only hit other people wielding the same weapons, then we wouldn’t have a problem. After a few years nobody would have any problems.

Read more gun goodness with

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