Green Electric FFZERO1 Runs Entirely on Bullshit

Letv have unveiled the revolutionary new FFZERO1, a car powered entirely by Public Relations bullshit.


“This is truly the car of the future” said Smiley Flakman. “Because it doesn’t exist in the present. It harvests the infinite resource of excited tech shills desperate to make their hourly article quota, amplifying our high-performance brand acceleration engine.”

The car is a picture of a 1,000 horsepower all wheel-drive carbon fiber cocoon hypercar, which can also rotate its wheels and fly like the DeLorean in Back to the Future if you close your eyes and just dream hard enough.

“Yes, this physical shell has a top speed of zero, not being a real item or having any technological merit whatsoever,” continued Smiley, “But the spirit of this car can move at the speed of your hope. Other electric cars claim efficiency by merely using less fuel with their actual functioning physical bodies, but we’re efficiently getting a free global PR campaign without any fuel, or engine, or even a passing familiarity with the laws of economics or thermodynamics required to even pretend something is possible!”

“It’s a tablet with wheels!” At this point Smiley visibly froze, loading icons rotating in his pupils as he accessed the latest SEO tables. The assembled reporters held motionless as well, confusing this bizarre action for part of the PR package they were expected to regurgitate precisely. Several excited reports of the event included five pages of blank space which wasn’t removed by a copy-editor, because none of them work for places which have those those, but were rather reduced to a single space by their blog’s CMS.

Smiley suddenly span up again. “It’s a bean to bar car! It’s a four-wheel Force Awakens! It’s a hot single-driver-vehicle in your area ready for action TONIGHT!”

DISCLOSURE: The author is just annoyed that the ridiculous fictional future electro-car FFZERO1 will make it even more impossible to find any news of a sequel to ridiculous fictional future electro-car game F-ZERO.

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