EXPERIMENTS

You learn the most about things and people by doing them

ZUG.com paid me to subject myself to the most painful liquids in existence, and against all the odds they expired first. Because betting against the liver of a writing Irishman makes a land war in Asia look like a beach holiday in the Caribbean. I’m damned if I’m going to have drunk pure capsaicin and read an entire issue of Cosmopolitan for nothing – those are the kinds of pain that cut deeper and define you longer than the engraving on your tombstone – so I’ll be re-hosting the articles here.

The Homeopathy Experiment

Learning the truth behind homeopathy.

Short form:

Homeopathic medicine

Homeopathic medicine

The Retro Gaming Drinking Experiment

I went back to face the demons of my childhood, aka “Stephen King meets Ready Player One in a bar”

Here Zitz is representing the effect on my liver and childhood

Here Zitz portrays the effects on my liver and childhood

The Chicken Wing Suicides

It was at this point the Predator decided to leave Earth.

It was at this point the Predator decided to leave Earth.

Setting ourselves on fire with the souls of poultry. I can only say that these were Satan’s fowl deeds, and we accidentally bit into their eternal punishment. I’m not sure what chicken can do to end up burning with eternal hellfire, but having been to farms I’m going to guess “shitting on everything ever” and “being total mad-eyed psycho pricks.”

The Magic: The Gathering Experiment

I’ll just play the most expensively addictive card game ever made for an entire day, what could possibly go wrong?

I'm the small guy. You can work out what the game is.

My life is the little guy on the right. You can work out what the game is.

The Trump Endurance Experiment

Donald Trump is the most tragic rich man alive. I don’t even have millions of dollars, and I had far better things to do than watch his entire YouTube channel. But I did it anyway.

Enough money to do anything and he chose "Celebrity Apprentice".

The mere fact people are looking at him makes him feel like he’s got a skilled mouth-user under that desk

The Shrinking Cat Box Experiment

It looks like I grew a cactus out of pure hatred. A cat-cuss.

It looks like I grew a cactus out of pure hatred. A cat-cuss.

Regular people don’t get to do this to their co-workers. On the other hand, they don’t start talking to cats and referring to them as “co-workers”.

The Energy Drink Overload Experiment

Very few things can make you wish you were drinking actual ectoplasm. I found and drank all of them.

Mario has never looked so ominous.

Mario has never looked so ominous.

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