Movies are our great shared culture. Which is why most of them are stupid.
7 Famous Zombie Movie Weapons (That Would Get You Killed)
8 Fictional Archaeologists That Suck At Their Job
5 Ways People Are Taking Harry Potter Waaay Too Seriously
Instruction Manuals For The Starship Enterprise
8 Fictional Weapons Too Dangerous To Actually Use – Rocket Sledgehammer. ROCKET SLEDGEHAMMER! The article has a couple thousand other words, but doesn’t really need them.
The 5 Stages Of A Successful Relationship (In A Romantic Comedy)
3 Ways ‘Die Hard’ Is Like Valentines Day
Why We Need To Stop Arnold Schwarzenegger For His Own Good
Why Die Hard Is The Greatest Christmas Movie Ever
4 Lessons From Bond For Normal Guys
How Total Recall Beat Inception By 20 Years
Total Recall: The 5 Best Bits Of The Original
Every comedy writer I’ve ever talked to loves ripping up terrible movies. Because it is tremendous fun.
5 Ways Sylvester Stallone Was Dredd Wrong
7 Sequels Made By People Who Must Not Have Seen The Original
Dolemite is the whackinest blackinest put-yo-mamma-on-her-backinest badass ever to grace the silver screen. This movie isn’t just an experience, it’s an education and an ass-kicking all at the same time.
“Worst X Ever” gets thrown around a lot, but it’s never been powered by such an appalling cocktail of childlike optimism and national shame. The most intense concentration of combat-based comedy since Jackie Chan fell into a trash compactor (full of priceless Ming vases!)
Cinemasochism BONUS ROUND – Video Game Movies
The Worst Resident Evil Movie Ever Made
I make fun of these movies the same reason I tickle my wife: because I’m deeply, deeply in love with them and they enable me to pretend I’m with Milla Jovovich.
Street Fighter: Chun Li Edition should have been the best movie since someone discovered kung fu. Instead it’s the worst thing to happen to videogames since thumb-eating venereal spiders.
Video game movies are the worst kind of movies, and these are the worst of those. Everything from Wild West Vampire murder to a Japanese Bikini Samurai Cowgirl, and if you still don’t want to read it I – and the world – honestly have nothing more to offer you.
You might think some of these belong in Cinemasochism, which honestly says more about you than me.
Mr T is the ToughesT man in the world, and ThaT’s noT jusT Trash Talk. That’s 120 minuTes of Truly unbelievable cinemaTic facT!
It turns out that all those TV producers and movie executives were paid to prevent us from making all the cool stuff. And now YouTube has shortcircuited our Id into our visual cortex.