I wrote an article about awesome superheroes for a comedy site, which should have been about as controversial as enjoying ice-cream. Which only reveals that I’ve never read the “CHOCOLATE RIPPLE SHOULD DIE IN A FIRE” threads on the coldcreamydudes forum. I described how five heroes I like deserved a movie before Ant-Man.

Reactions included:

• Being accused of writing feminism for blowjobs, by someone with no experience of either, and a wildly optimistic interpretation of what’s possible via electronic transfers.
• Being told that Hollywood knows what’s best by someone who appeared to be entirely serious.
• Aaaaaah, but I noticed that so many of the movie heroes so far are male, so I am the true sexist.
• In response to Ant-Man’s famed status as a wife beater: being told that it was blown out of all proportion, that it didn’t really happen that often, that he was really a great guy with lots of good qualities, and that the Wasp was stupid anyway.
• Being accused of hating on Edgar Wright, despite not saying a single word about the actual Ant-Man movie, and it being impossible to hate anyone involved in Hot Fuzz.
• The classic comment strategy of attempting to find a microscopic flaw in my statements so that I disappear in a puff of inequality. “Aha! Armor is Asian and not black! That’s too racist, somehow, so we’d better stick with the safe default of straight white men.” THAT’S NOT A DEFAULT! Monochrome monosexual maleness is not the standard setting of the human body, and you’re not avoiding the issue by staying there, you’re making an increasingly obvious point on the wrong side of it.
• Bemoaning the loss of journalistic objectivity in an opinion column about fictional characters on a comedy site.
• People, poor people incapable of joy, saying Armor sucks.

That’s their problem

• Some of them finally found this site! I would say it was slower than I expected, but being slow and incapable of processing new information is pretty much their deal. Hilariously some of them think you can just post offensive images on every site just like their festering home-forums, having never heard of this amazing thing called “comment moderation”. Why yes, it was a meme image featuring a homophobic slurs, how did you know?
• People saying that the list should have included Storm, and Captain Marvel, and the new Ms. Marvel (who faces problems you can’t punch), Dazzler, Kitty Pryde, the Montoya Question, and many more, and all being absolutely right. More adventures is the entire point of comic books and movies.

More comic thoughts in Overanalysis Theater: Iron Man Is Earth’s Mightiest Hero and Continuity Casualties: Lady Blackhawk.