From the Makers of the Jem And The Holograms Trailer

Thrill as the team behind the new Jem trailer tackle other classic properties!

GI Joe: Joe “Duke” Bloke signs up, and patiently works his way up the ranks with careful attention to peacetime duties around the base. Awesome laser weapons are replaced by his livejournal entries. Instead of fighting against Cobra, we follow his struggle to find a cute boyfriend.
Ghostbusters: A reality show follows four ghost hunters as they continually fail to ever find any ghosts, because ghosts aren’t real. Proton packs are replaced by darkened shakey-cam footage even though there’s no reason they couldn’t film things properly. (NOTE: this show already exists several times over). Instead of fighting the undead we follow their struggle to find cute boyfriends.
Transformers: A reality show about redecorating entirely normal cars. (NOTE: this show etc etc) Instead of transforming into giant robots, Spike Witwicky tries to find a cute boyfriend. This is impossible because he’s Shia LaBeouf and actively repels all human life.
Thundercats: A series of actual cat videos on YouTube. Instead of Mumm-ra, we follow a fixed cat’s struggle to find a cute boyfriend. It’s still more compelling than the millionth movie about the millionth girl deciding true happiness depends on a millionth boyfriend.
Mysterious Cities of Gold: Travelogue following some teenagers with GoPros as they travel to a beach resort. They all totally find cute boyfriends.

The new Jem and the Holograms movie trailer is what happens when a movie executive cries “YouTube!” and is too senior to be laughed at. The whole thing’s been put together by people who think online streaming and personal holographic projection technology are exactly equivalent levels of outrageous. The greatest effort involved was pushing the “Girl Plot #3: Fame Bad Love Good” cookie-cutter so far into the past.

But fear not! While movies miss slam-dunks (this was their only chance to film an EVIL SYNTHPOP BAND!), comics keep scoring from outside the building. Behold the glory of IDW’s ongoing Jem comic. Which I honestly couldn’t have cared less about until I saw the art.

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I Ain’t Afraid Of No Blokes

They’ve announced a new Ghostbusters movie, and they’re all going to be women, and the only possible reaction is WOOHOOO!

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There’s absolutely no merit in any complaints. If someone didn’t complain about four men, they don’t get to complain about for women. Single-sex sucking of spirits wasn’t a problem before and remains a non-problem now.

There is the risk of the reboot sucking in ways other than ecto-containment, of course, but the brilliant thing is that even the worst new movie doesn’t erase a good old one. (Unless George Lucas is trying to sell remastered editions.) Sure, Star Trek: Into Darkness was a zombie of the original franchise, the original name and shape brought back with absolutely none of the life or spirit and a hunger for nothing but violence. And okay, the new Total Recall was utterly unworthy of the name, either as a movie or in bothering to remember a second of it. And yeah, the remakers of RoboCop disappointingly decided that what the world really needed was just another pretty good action movie. But that’s still a pretty good action movie we didn’t have before. And the only way to  get anything better is to make it.

Besides, busterficcionados should know that they already made Ghostbusters 3 in the only way possible. The recent game downloaded the original actors into young virtual bodies, allowing them to make a real sequel to the old movies. Instead of a modern barely live-action where their only challenge was working out whether their fellow nursing home residents were still alive or not. It’s fantastic fun and you should play it.

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They’ve already made female Ghostbusters too. If you’ve read this far into an article on the subject, you really should be reading Erik Burnham and Dan Schoening’s fantastic Ghostbusters comic. It recently wrapped up, probably due to the reboot, but that just means that it’s now possible to read the whole thing. Including an awesome arc where the originals are absent, and a new squad need to fill their nuclear accelerator backpack straps.

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Because even after all this time, bustin’ makes me feel good.


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