BOOKS

You want even more me, and I want to buy the food that makes that happen.

SELF-DEFENSE AGAINST BABIES

(5,800 words, $0.99, DRM-free)

Babies can strike at your most vulnerable organs before you even know they exist. Therefore babies are ninjas. It’s time we reacted appropriately. There are thousands of guides for dealing with new babies, but they’re all about supporting, and helping, and nurturing, and otherwise surrendering to our new overlords.

Science fiction spent decades warning us that humanity would create our own replacements. But these replacements aren’t machines: they’re babies. Or should we say GENETICALLY ENGINEERED HYBRIDS WHO WILL TAKE OUR STUFF WHEN WE DIE? Yes, yes we should, because that’s exactly what they are, and the first part of their plan is hormonal brainwashing to make everyone think this is normal.

You need help now, and you need it against babies. Most baby books are written from the point of view of helping the baby. Most self-defense guides assume you’re the one in danger of being throttled by a violent lunatic driven to desperate measures. This book will correct both of those mistakes.

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