THE VATICAN last night wondered aloud if the world was sure about issuing driving licenses to women.
“I mean, we don’t even trust them to be priests, and that’s a job with the most thorough instruction manual ever printed” a Vatican spokesman told assembled reporters. “Though you do have to skip over the bits about selling your daughters into slavery. God himself apparently tells us that women can’t be trusted to talk to people and read from a book, and you’re letting them control tons of speeding metal?”
“I mean, priests never have to respond to new situations. We tell them what to do and excommunicate the hell out of them if they disobey. Because true spiritual well-being means only obeying orders. A woman behind the wheel would have to react to things, think for herself, and have the same abilities as a man. I mean, she might even be driving somewhere for sex. It’s shocking is what it is.”
In response to almost immediate criticism of the question, the Vatican quickly wheeled out Pope Francis to publicly talk to some women, act really nice about it, and infallibly fail to do anything about the actual issue.
More theological analysis with
I’m an atheist and I think this is the least funny thing I’ve ever read. The world is a less funny place for this having been written.
But-but-but, if you’re calling yourself an atheist, then everything I say should exactly match your preferences, because all atheists obey the same set of instructions! That’s the point of atheism!
>Sighs, burns “official atheist conformer”, sadly returns to worshipping Xipe Totec<