New Reality Show: Ice Cream Headaches

VOICEOVER: Stephanie’s first challenge will be serving a single scoop of vanilla. But the ice cream is kept in freezing temperatures. If she was somehow shrunk to the size of a few inches, fell into the tub, and was kept there, she could freeze to death.

Extended close-up of ice-cream. Dramatic music.

STEPHANIE: I know it’s cold, but I’ve got a job to do. Those kids are depending on me.

VO: The ice-cream scoop is made of metal. Metal is harder than human flesh and, properly shaped, can cut through it with ease. Terminators are made of metal. Most importantly of all, she must be careful not to accidentally scoop out both of her eyeballs.

Long shot of Stephanie leaning over to scoop out vanilla ice-cream. Music increases to 3 Emmerdale Episodes worth of drama. Is there a camera angle that puts the scoop and her eyes in the shot at the same time? Well, just cut back and forth between them repeatedly.

VO: Now Stephanie must place the ice-cream on the cone. But if gravity were to suddenly cease operating she would soon die in the painful vacuum of space.

Slow motion of the scoop pressing down on the cone. Music so dramatic the violin divorces the double bass and starts a torrid affair with the worrying piano notes. Transcendent music when scoop is removed, revealing that the ice-cream has not suddenly become immune to the universal force of gravitation.


One thought on “New Reality Show: Ice Cream Headaches

  1. Are gravitons made of ice cream???
    More about this on Science, pseudoscience; Potatoe potato. The documentary at nine.

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